Paula's Butterfly Mind

Confessions of an ADHD Procrastinator: Part I October 25, 2018

Admitting I Have a Problem to Solve

I just keep doing it. I know I shouldn’t allow it. I know I should be “better than this.” I know I should be smarter than this—I know I AM smarter than this. And I know I want to BE “better than this.” But I keep doing it.

Rather than letting it boil over–Let’s boil some water for a relaxing cup of herbal tea.

Argh!

I have stuff I need to get done. Lots of stuff. So much so, at times it seems to pile too high to contemplate. But there it all is. Stuff for me, stuff for my husband, stuff for building the business, stuff for clients—lots of freakin’ stuff to do.

I know, You have lots of stuff to do, too. So maybe you can relate?
It can sometimes feel like things will soon boil over.

Some of it gets done, but not enough of it. I have the same 168 hours each week as everyone else here on Planet Earth, and yet I keep inadvertently allowing my time to leak out here and there. What a mess.

It needs to stop.
I need to stop it.
I have the power to stop it. Why don’t I stop it? Why don’t I stop allowing time to get away from me? Why don’t I stop the time-leaks?

BEFORE I cleaned-up my office-2016

Sometimes, I feel there is so much stuff to get done, it becomes too much, and it feels uncomfortable to even “look at.” Overwhelm. Yes, I get to feeling quite overwhelmed by it all. Then I just want to run and hide from it. All that stuff.

But it always finds me.

And there is the problem—uh, issue. You can run, but you can never hide from it.

So I go through times where I buckle-down and work on grabbing the proverbial bull by the horns and dealing with it—managing my time better. And I do better for a while.

I write things on post-its. I make lists. I make spreadsheets. I have small and large spiral notebooks all over the place where I’ve written my ideas and thoughts on things. Things I need to DO something about—to make happen. Whew! I can barely breathe just thinking about all this.

We CAN do this!

Ok, so stop and breathe a few moments. You can do this. Ok, back to it.

The phone rings. Someone needs some information… where is that dang notebook I wrote their information in… it’s… here… no… there it is, no… under… Ah, there.

Where was I?
Yeah, right—managing my time better. How did that go, again?

And then I feel compelled to laugh at myself. As IF I’m any different than anyone else out there with lots of stuff to get done. I’m sure you have plenty to get done out there too.

Maybe my “iron fist” is broken? Maybe I just need to be tougher with myself? More disciplined!

But is more discipline really the answer? It might be part of the answer, but I think there’s more to it. I think—maybe there is a little, insecure kid inside, screaming to get the attention of… what? Get my attention? Tell me it’s time to learn to play again?
Humm… Note to self: Explore this concept later—because I currently see something blinking out of the corner of my eye. What is that? (more…)