Confessions of an ADHD Procrastinator: Part I

Admitting I Have a Problem to Solve

I just keep doing it. I know I shouldn’t allow it. I know I should be “better than this.” I know I should be smarter than this—I know I AM smarter than this. And I know I want to BE “better than this.” But I keep doing it.

Rather than letting it boil over–Let’s boil some water for a relaxing cup of herbal tea.

Argh!

I have stuff I need to get done. Lots of stuff. So much so, at times it seems to pile too high to contemplate. But there it all is. Stuff for me, stuff for my husband, stuff for building the business, stuff for clients—lots of freakin’ stuff to do.

I know, You have lots of stuff to do, too. So maybe you can relate?
It can sometimes feel like things will soon boil over.

Some of it gets done, but not enough of it. I have the same 168 hours each week as everyone else here on Planet Earth, and yet I keep inadvertently allowing my time to leak out here and there. What a mess.

It needs to stop.
I need to stop it.
I have the power to stop it. Why don’t I stop it? Why don’t I stop allowing time to get away from me? Why don’t I stop the time-leaks?

BEFORE I cleaned-up my office-2016

Sometimes, I feel there is so much stuff to get done, it becomes too much, and it feels uncomfortable to even “look at.” Overwhelm. Yes, I get to feeling quite overwhelmed by it all. Then I just want to run and hide from it. All that stuff.

But it always finds me.

And there is the problem—uh, issue. You can run, but you can never hide from it.

So I go through times where I buckle-down and work on grabbing the proverbial bull by the horns and dealing with it—managing my time better. And I do better for a while.

I write things on post-its. I make lists. I make spreadsheets. I have small and large spiral notebooks all over the place where I’ve written my ideas and thoughts on things. Things I need to DO something about—to make happen. Whew! I can barely breathe just thinking about all this.

We CAN do this!

Ok, so stop and breathe a few moments. You can do this. Ok, back to it.

The phone rings. Someone needs some information… where is that dang notebook I wrote their information in… it’s… here… no… there it is, no… under… Ah, there.

Where was I?
Yeah, right—managing my time better. How did that go, again?

And then I feel compelled to laugh at myself. As IF I’m any different than anyone else out there with lots of stuff to get done. I’m sure you have plenty to get done out there too.

Maybe my “iron fist” is broken? Maybe I just need to be tougher with myself? More disciplined!

But is more discipline really the answer? It might be part of the answer, but I think there’s more to it. I think—maybe there is a little, insecure kid inside, screaming to get the attention of… what? Get my attention? Tell me it’s time to learn to play again?
Humm… Note to self: Explore this concept later—because I currently see something blinking out of the corner of my eye. What is that?

Oh, of course. As I sit here typing on my Mac laptop, I see my other (PC) laptop blinking—almost glaring at me—demanding I get back to finish what I started there this morning. Before I had to rush off, get ready to leave the house, and go see a client, then go vote.

Before all that, I was working on the PC laptop, changing allowances in my firewall for a specific program. Then I needed to reconfigure my router to accept the User Datagram Protocol information (whatever) on specific ports and create a static IP address to allow inbound and outbound requests from the program I want to use.
Whew, that was nuts.

But I’m not yet done with it.

It was all a spur of the moment thing. I wanted to use this special program. I downloaded and installed it, but it didn’t work.

I investigated and learned I had to do all this crap to make it work. One thing led to another. An hour later, I was working on gradually making it happen, but I had to leave. Now I’m back home and typing this piece. Thus, the other laptop is “glaring” at me.

“Finish what you started earlier.” The PC laptop taunts, in a spooky, imaginary tone.

“Ok, ok,” I reply, “But I need to get this other stuff done too.”

“Humph. Fine. Leave me unfinished. I’ll be yet another half-done project in the wings. SEE if I care.”

“Now, now. Don’t get huffy with me. I’m doing the best I can. I’m just… just… a little overwhelmed presently.”

“Fine. I’ll just go to sleep for a while. You’ll come back when you need to do something else. THEN you’ll move the mouse, awaken me, and see me, hanging here, undone. Will you finish me then? Or will you bypass me for something else, ‘more urgent’?”

A mess, but not as bad. -2016

Then, I gradually begin hearing the same spooky taunt from at least half a dozen (or more) other projects awaiting my attention—stacks of paper, forms needing completion and sending, notebooks with unattended ideas, paid bills in need of filing (and a few which need paying). Oh, and another blog post which needs to be written.

All of them—taunting me.
Aakkkk! Where do I start?

My phone dings, my iPad pings, then my phone chirps, and a timer goes off in the kitchen. An email came in, there’s a new video by so-&-so to watch (as if!), a dear friend texted and wants to catch-up, and I need to check the Instant Pot.

Wait—what was I doing?

Where was I on editing this document over here? Oh, and my half-finished post, too. And I need to order that book I wanted. What was the title of it? 5? Or Five?
Something about prioritizing, goal-setting and where I’ll be in 5 years if I follow their plan.

Sounds great—when I get some time. Oh wait, I HAVE time, I’m merely squandering it. Right. Just order the dang book.

Which reminds me, I need to double-check my dōTerra essential oil order for next month, before I’m sent a repeat of last month’s order. Oh, and I started writing a piece about which oils to use for improving concentration. Yikes, I guess I need to use some and finish the freakin’ post! LOL

Yes, I think my head is spinning.
I know, I know. Set some freakin’ priorities, Girl.

Oh, wait. I started that list, too. I know it’s here somewhere.

Ah, here it is. Yes, of course,
“1) Order the book, 5: Where Will You Be Five Years from Now? And follow it.
2) Sit down and decide exactly what my Vision is for 2019 and beyond & write it out. Post it clearly, on the wall, where I’ll see it daily.
3) Create a list of SMART Goals for 2019 & supporting smaller tasks for achieving my Goals. Track the progress.
4) Write Every Day!
5) Clean up the office, then do so every Friday/Saturday.
6) Stick to ‘Office Hours’ for getting work done.
7) Walk every day.
8) Meditate every day, even if only for 3 minutes—to help gain clarity.
9) TBD
And 10) TBD”

Ok, so maybe they are priorities and maybe not so much. Maybe they’re more like… just another to-do list. But not just any to-do list. This one is bigger in… importance.
Better time management is bound to be on that list too.
I hope to keep you posted if my to-do lists don’t swallow me.

Oh, and I do still need to get the router and firewall to play nice with my spiffy, cool program. I’ll need it next week. Oh, and clean the bird’s cage, do laundry, clean the bathroom, and plan our trip.
Oh yea, check the Instant Pot, dinner in a bit.

I think I might need a nap.

~Paula