The Hardest Part of That Day

Ok, I’ll tell you right now… this piece is a bit longer than I usually post.  But I had requests to “finish that series you started… about you & Danny.”  So I’ve worked on doing that.  I thought about splitting this post into two, but that didn’t seem to work well.  Bear with me as I present this last installment.  Hopefully you’re enjoying the story.  Want to catch it from the very first?  See “A Surprising Turn of Events” then follow the links at the bottom of each post to the next installment.

Part VI
The Hardest Part of That Day 

After having lunch with Danny and his mom and sister, I went home to rest a little and get ready to attend Cathy’s memorial service.  As I stood in the closet, selecting what to wear to her service, my mind whirled back over the events of the past few months.  How was it that I was standing there preparing to attend yet another funeral?

2009 had been a whirlwind summer and autumn was approaching. So much had happened that year. I had tried to keep track of how Cathy was doing for the last few months, but my sources for information were not steady. Last I’d heard, she was still fighting hard against the cancer. I had seen her from a distance in the auditorium at Joe Harris’ funeral. I waved and she waved back. It was good to see her. I wondered how she was doing. Little did I know then how short her time would be.

The last week of August 2009 had brought about a cascade of events I could not have ever imagined!  When I attended the memorial dinner for Joe Harris, I overheard a conversation of friends talking about Cathy’s condition. They thought that she would be leaving us any day. They reported that her breathing had become labored and she was sleeping a lot.

I had always heard that this was a precursor to the passing of someone with a terminal illness. All the sleeping always seemed to me like they were going off into the spirit realm to attend Orientation or something. It seemed like a transition time. I was very saddened to hear about her decline, even though I knew it was probably inevitable, once the cancer had returned.

My Ginger cat came into the closet and brushed against my leg.  It snapped me back into the present.  I selected a blouse, shooed Ginger out and closed the closet door behind me.   Once I was ready to go, I gathered the container of tabouli salad and my purse.  I got in the car and drove to the chapel in Rio Rancho, where the service was to be held.  It was the same chapel as Joe’s viewing had been.

I went in and it brought back sad memories of two months prior.  I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I figured I could go with the flow.  I believe it was Joy who first greeted me as I signed the guest book.  She pointed out where I could leave my pot-luck meal contribution.  She pointed out where Danny was standing.  I went to say hi to him.  He looked sharp in his suit, but he was so sad.  I felt helpless.  He hugged me and squeezed my hand.  We spoke a few moments.

Danny introduced me to his younger brother, Greg, who had come from Ft. Sumner.  Greg had similar starkly penetrating blue eyes as Danny and Joy had.  I could see it was a family trait.  Greg was tall and somber.  He had long white hair and a long white beard.  He shook my hand.  Some other friends were coming up to speak with Danny, so I excused myself and spoke with some other people.

Cathy was loved by our entire Sheriff’s Office volunteer group and anyone from the Sheriff’s Office who had ever worked with her. There was a large turn-out, including Sheriff John Paul Trujillo and Under-sheriff Tim Lucero.  I looked at photo montages of Cathy’s life that were on display around the foyer.  It was nice to see all the photos of her life.  It gave insight into the different sides of Cathy.  I finally saw photos of her son, Christopher, who had died a few years prior.  What I didn’t see… were any photos of Danny in the mix.  Danny was not in any of the photos.  As if he had been excluded!

I knew that Danny had been kept away toward the end.  I knew that Cathy’s brother had been instrumental in controlling who was allowed to see Cathy towards the end and who was to be kept away.  As I looked around, I noticed that Cathy’s brother had somewhat of his own entourage.  They consisted of their mother and some of the people who had been allowed to stay close and care for Cathy.  Then there was another group of people who were family and close friends who had been kept at bay.  It was an interesting set of dynamics, but hardly appropriate for Cathy’s memorial, when all that should have been put aside.

I later learned that there were many issues between Cathy’s brother and Danny.  Cathy’s brother had apparently gone to great lengths to cause trouble for Danny and Cathy on many occasions.  But that was just the tip of the ice burg.  Her brother had also excluded their sister in many ways.  It was hard to believe that someone could be that cold and calculated as to be so cruel to people who loved Cathy.  Over time, I would learn much more about her brother’s misdeeds.  But at that time, I only knew that there was a rift.  I thought it was so sad that Cathy’s brother was trying to systematically erase Danny from her life.

When it came time to be seated for the service, I could very clearly see the divide.  ”They” sat up front, on the left side of the chapel, the area usually designated for family.  Her sister was relegated to sit further back and on the other side with her kids, along with Danny and Cathy’s friends and colleagues.

I could not even imagine how this must have felt for Danny.  I only knew that he was having a very hard time.  He asked if I would please sit with him and his family.  He told me he didn’t care what anyone thought of it and that he really needed my support and to have me close by.  So I agreed.  He had me sit next to him, with his sister, Linda on the other side of him. He squeezed my hand  through the entire service.

People who were invited by her brother to speak, got up and spoke .  The leader of our volunteer group, Kelly, had asked ahead of time, if he could speak and show some slides.  It would have been next to impossible for her brother to decline that.  So when it was time, Kelly went up to the front, said a few words and cued the slide show on CD.  I was SO very grateful to see that Kelly had included several photos with Cathy & Danny together at various Sheriff’s Office event’s.  Danny squeezed my hand even tighter as those showed.  I could feel a sense of gratitude from him that he was being acknowledged as her mate.

There were many tears shed that day.  A lot of Kleenex was used.  But we all got through it.  The service came to a close and afterwards, everyone was invited to the pot-luck in the other room.  I gave Danny space to visit with everyone.  I checked on him and got him a Dr. Pepper to drink.  But mostly I visited with JP and Tim and several other friends who were there.

I suppose it was about 45 minutes into the pot-luck, when Joy came to me and told me that Danny was really tired and they were leaving.  She asked me if I would please come over to the house.  She said that she could see how having me around really helped boost Danny’s mood.  She thought it would be helpful for me to be there.  I told her I would come over shortly.  I left about five minutes after they did.

Somehow, I got to the house right about the same time they did.  We went in and sat in the living room and visited.  I got to know much more about Joy & Linda.  A couple of hours later, as it got dark, Danny commented on how he had never seen my house.  Initially, I thought is it was odd that he would choose to see my house when it was dark.  Then I realized that he mostly wanted a change in scenery and to spend some time alone.

Danny & Paula's Wedding

That was the beginning of our story.  We kept seeing each other from then on. In October of that year, Danny proposed to me and I accepted.  We were married in early November 2009.

Things moved fast and that gave me pause at times.  I sometimes worried that he needed more time. But here’s the thing, I have experienced the “date for a couple of years before getting married” thing and the “move in together and marry a year later” thing. Neither of those worked out.

Danny & I have both lost a significant other to cancer.  We both know how life can turn on a dime when you least expect it.  He promised Cathy, at her insistence, that he would move on & live life to the fullest.  Maybe we should have waited?  I don’t know.  I was certainly used to being by myself.   It’s been hard to learn to be part of a team again.  But it’s been good.

Oh… And we have found lots of “pennies from heaven” as Cathy used to call them…  Sometimes in the strangest places.  That’s when we know that she is watching over us.  We both have this feeling that maybe she had something to do with orchestrating our getting together.

Be Well!

~Paula